The following is a piece of satire and is not intended to be a serious piece of journalism. Although all quotes are verbatim from real sources at Occupy Toronto, not all statements are intended to reflect reality.
By Samuel Greenfield
Toronto – Hundreds of medieval reenactors braved a nasty weather forecast last week in a move of solidarity with 13th century peasants.
The group, which has pitched their tents at the St. James campground located at Church and King Streets, has gathered to protest against a variety of alleged injustices they say are being propagated by Stephen Harper and capitalist pigs.
Protestors say that one per cent of the population is controlling 99 per cent of the gold coins and lucky charms and say it’s getting really hard to find good ganja. Some of them are even calling for a Robin Hood tax.
Members of the rag-tag troupe started assembling in the shadow of the neo-gothic St. James church last week after similar movements broke out in other kingdoms. And although it is not yet clear how long protestors will stay, rumours are circulating that they are trying to set a new record time for not bathing – and that could be a REALLY long time.
Inside the encampment people bang on drums, sing songs, smoke weed and walk around full of enthusiasm for a more simple life without modern hygiene. By Saturday, straw had materialized to cover up the mucky spots in the camp caused by walking around too much in the rain.
And although they are a group of heroes to some, they are viewed with suspicion by others.
One man, who would only reveal his identity as “Irish”, said they have already caught several infiltrators they believe were working together with The Man.
“They try to sneak in, but we get told ahead of time, they send in under-covers to see what’s going on,” said Irish.
But so far no one has been able to shift them out of their tents and back to Kensington Market.
Michael Anonymous has a dark hood pulled up over his head, and sports a mysterious-looking goatee. He is a dark wizard – a profession hit hard by the recent economic recession. And he says he has great hopes for the campers.
“I believe this is the chance for a brand new economy, a brand new society, and this is the start: right here,” said Michael.
Meanwhile, V for Vendetta fans were hoping for a surprise appearance by legendary Englishman, Guy Fawkes, and were really depressed to hear that he was executed 405 years ago. Fawkes is best known for trying to blow up parliament in England.
Also making their presence well-known in the camp were the Marxists and Communists who are still carrying banners, handing out newspapers and wearing funny hats almost a century after starting a big party in Russia that would result in a really big hangover. Shockingly, they are now charging a fee of $1 for some of their handouts.
But not all protestors are looking for handouts. One kind girl offered the author a bagel.
And despite the fact that the gathering is seen as disorganized and unnecessary by some, there is no denying the atmosphere of peace and happiness in the camp – although it is possible that this might be the result of an abundant supply of marijuana.
The proposed development of the lands surrounding a Richmond Hill landmark has become of the subject of fierce debate.
Built in 1935, the David Dunlap Observatory was owned by the University of Toronto until 2008 when it was sold for $70 million to Corsica Development Inc.
Once surrounded by farmland the observatory is now surrounded by subdivisions on the ground and hampered by light pollution in the night sky.
The observatory is still open to the public and is operated voluntarily by members of the Royal Astronomical Society of Canada.
At present, the town of Richmond Hill has yet to approve the plan to develop the site. And some, such as the Richmond Hill Naturalists, would like to see the entire 189-acre site preserved.
Recent mediation through the Ontario Municipal Board was unsuccessful, but talks are scheduled to resume in December.